


Bitch, what the fuck

by bimtrash



Series: magic smut indeed [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Demons, Dragons, Familiars, I need a beta, I wrote this instead of studying, I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Summoning, Summoning goes wrong, Swearing, Witches, a lot of it, english is not first language im sorry, it's going to be like 2 chapters maybe 3, iwa is a tripod, oikawa is a witch, this is going to be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:15:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22978990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimtrash/pseuds/bimtrash
Summary: He only wanted a fire chameleon. A lovely, adorable, cute fire chameleon.He started to cry.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: magic smut indeed [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651372
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	Bitch, what the fuck

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time posting in AO3 and I'm like super nervous. English is not my first language and it's killing me inside to post this because I don't have a beta who can give me the "okay this isn't shit grammaticaly speaking so go ahead", so, i'm sorry for the grammar, mistakes and everything else
> 
> i love dragons, and i love Iwa being a dragon so i made this and i'll post the second chapter when i'm not struggling with life
> 
> the disclaimer is that none of the characters are mine, of course, i wISH

Tooru could be classified as a little shit by, practically, all the coven. He was sarcastic, competitive and with enough venom in his tongue to kill at least twenty bigass elephants in less than one minute, or the ego of some fucker that had the nerve to annoy him until he couldn’t hold back his words anymore. That occurrence was pretty common when Kageyama Tobio was around. The raven haired guy had been blessed with the incredible ability of using the exact words that made Oikawa want to set on fire his fucking ass. At least he only had to see his face once in a month, in the monthly meeting of the coven.

Meetings that were a total waste of his precious time. He did _everything_ in his hand to avoid them as much as possible. They were always the same, with the same old farts ranting about how the spirit of the black magic was fading away with the newest generations, or for the same ones to show off their antiquated and non-useful-anymore skills. Well, he couldn’t blame that to them entirely, in a few decades he was going to be the same. The magic had its perks, and one of them is that it became weaker and weaker with time. Once you were seventy, nothing can distinguish you from a human.

Of course, there were some tricks to avoid that. One of them, and the most dangerous, was summoning a demon to make a contract with it. He knew some horrible cases of that hack, and one of them was from his own mother.

She went literally mad when her magic started fading away. She started her research of demonic summoning almost instantly, in order to gain the favor of the strongest demon she could summon. Of course, she made it, but with a cost. When you play with demons, it always have a cost, and Oikawa knew that firsthand. Because his _own mother_ offered the life of her _own child_ to not loose her magic.

Amazing.

_Wonderful._

But it backfired. Oh, of course it backfired. Because Oikawa was a little shit, but an _adorable_ little shit when he was a child. And demons were not monsters without soul, in fact, they had more than some humans.

So, the demon, named Kuroo because he was – and is – a fucking _edgelord _,__ was not really flattered to have the soul of a literal child offered in sacrifice so he took her soul instead. And beheaded her.

Truly a sight to have the pleasure to witness at the tender age of seven. But hey, her mother was going to sacrifice him to a fucking demon for her own selfish reasons, so he only was bit angry with Kuroo.

And speaking of him. He was the most infuriating creature in all _existence _.__ He just didn’t leave him. He stayed in the mortal plane, with Oikawa, to make his life more miserable. He stayed at his home, stole his bed and ate his fucking familiar because he was bored and hungry.

Fucking piece of shit. He was glad he hadn’t had a life link with the cat – named Mittens – because he could have died at the same time. And he was taking a shit in that fucking moment.

Now, he had to summon another familiar. Because familiars were handful and they kept company. And for Oikawa the loneliness was part of his everyday life. And that included the romantic part.

He craved some good fuck to be honest, but every fucking creature he met was so… _ugh _.__ Humans didn’t last long enough to satisfy his lust, he didn’t know any witch outside his coven and there weren’t werewolves in the area – a pity, they were _great_ at sex. There were vampires, yeah, but he didn’t enjoy the part of his blood being sucked off his neck when the only thing he wanted was to have a damn orgasm. No, the biting of the vampires was not pleasant, in fact, it killed his boner in a record time.

So yeah, he was going to summon another familiar to keep him company and talk to it about the pitiful fucks he had with other races.

He was in his room, with a generic summoning book in the center of a generic summoning circle to gain a generic familiar. He didn’t need anything flashy or powerful, that type of familiars were for the witches who had enormous hunger of power or for witches who wanted to claim to the world how good and formidable their magic was. He wanted a cat – or not, knowing how the old one ended – or a bird. Or some small lizard. A chameleon sounded nice, they were cute.

He took his ritual knife and sat outside the summoning circle. He left the book at his left side open in the page for summoning small fire chameleons and proceeded to cut his palm. He cut was superficial, but with enough deph to draw some blood that dripped directly to the external ring of the summoning sketch in the floor. Almost intermediately the red liquid was absorbed by the magic ink, starting glowing with a soft gold light. He took a breath and looked at the book, reading the exact words that were going to give him an adorable fire chameleon.

“Oi, Oikawa!”

Oh my Dark Lord.

At the door was Kuroo, with his fucking messy hair, his fucking smirk and his fucking 190 centimeters tall, leaning on the door frame and waving his tail like a happy feline. The fucker was not remotely sorry for eating his familiar and forcing Oikawa to do the process all over again. Asshole.

“Are you summoning another weakling for a familiar?”

“Kuroo, go fuck yourself and do _not_ bother me for the rest of the fucking evening if you want to conserve your balls,” he interrupted his chanting, glaring at the demon.

“Ow, sweetie, don’t be angry. I said I was sorry!” he walked to Oikawa, grinning like a mad man. Tooru could see his abnormally large canines perfectly.

“Sorry my ass, Kuroo,” the man sat at his right with a loud thud. The tail didn’t stop waving until he was at his side, then it curled around his thigh. One of his hands rested in the small of Oikawa’s back. “Don’t touch me, you are gross”

“You hurt my feelings, babe. I was going to help you to summon a good, strong familiar, and you talk to me like that. So, so hurt I am.”

“I don’t need a good, strong familiar, and I don’t need _your_ help. So go fuck some virgins while I finish this,” he said, trying to quit the other’s one hand from his back.

“Fucking virgins gets boring when you do it for the tenth time. I enjoy destroying the poor fuckers that think how great sex is, babe. And I destroyed all of them in this area.”

“Too bad I don’t care.”

“Hurting my feelings once again.”

He glared as much as he could, but Kuroo laughed obnoxiously. Oikawa growled, grabbing the ritual knife quickly. The demon was fast enough to avoid a deep cut in his cheek, but the knife managed to make a superficial cut that leaked a bit of blood. The room started to smell like rotten almost intermediately. Fucking demon blood.

“That was not very nice of you, Oikawa,” Kuroo’s eyes glowed red.

“I told you to leave me alone,” he was angry and he didn’t mind that Kuroo was a fairly powerful demon. He didn’t mind that he saved his life at seven, neither. At the moment, he was angry, at _him _.__ So he should go fuck himself far, far away from Tooru.

“Okay, calm your tits. I’m going at Bo’s, surely he’s not going to be a bitchy shit.”

And with that, Kuroo was gone with one of his shadow tricks. Good.

Oikawa sighted, once again turning his head to the book. He cut his palm again to draw more blood, and started, once again, to say the chanting. Hopefully, the demon would not return this time to annoy him again. _Hopefully._

It wasn’t a really long chant, so he was done pretty quickly. But something was not right. When he said the last word, the air in the room started changing. It became more dense and heavy, and it was full with some magic he never was exposed to before. The temperature started to get higher, making him sweat in his tank top and shorts. And the summoning circle started to change. It was no longer generic, with the basic runes for easy summoning. Oh no, it grew, a lot. _A lot _.__ New runes were appearing in the proximity of the outer circle, reaching to the walls of the room, leaving almost no space between them. Oikawa didn’t recognize some of them, and that was pretty worrisome because he was great at reading runes.

The new additions to the summoning circle started to glow. But not in the faint gold light he knew. They started to glow with a fiery red that turned sometimes to orange and it resembled too much to fire. Yeah, he was summoning a fire chameleon, but, was it supposed to go like this?

He didn’t think so.

When literal fire started to appear from the rings of the circle, he confirmed that, indeed, the summoning of a fire chameleon wasn’t supposed to go like _this _.__

He stood out quickly, just in time to avoid getting burned for the fire that was coming from the outer ring.

_“Oh my Dark Lord, what the fuck is happening.”_

The fire grew, burning the furniture, burning his bed, his closet, his desk and his lovely alien posters. Burning fucking everything in his room and shaping in the form of a sphere in the center of the circle. It was so hot, the air was so suffocating and the magic that leaked from the so fucking strong that it forced him to his knees. He was sweating from his _eyelids _.__

And then, the fire exploded. Like a fucking bomb. He managed to spell a really weak barrier before the fire reached him, but the force of the explosion made him flew to the wall behind him painfully.

Everything was so fuzzing, hot and asphyxiating. He hit his head so hard he started to hear an irritating ringing, his eyes couldn't focus on anything and his mind was a _fucking mess_. But he could see a humanoid figure in front of him.

His sight cleared a bit, enough to discern a strong man-like figure, with wide shoulders and thick thighs covered in black scales in some areas. Its arms were big, defined, with some remarkable biceps that left Oikawa’s eyes in them for more time than necessary. They were covered in scales like the thighs, since the junction of his elbows to its hands, whose fingers where totally black with some scary and big claws that Oikawa was sure that could slice his neck too easy to not be terrified of them. He caught a glimpse of a thick reptile tail, covered with more scales that ended with a sharp trident-like form. It had no feet, but reptil-like paws with thicker and sharper claws than the ones in its hands. Of course, with black scales.

But Toorus eyes were fixed in the _monstrous cock_ that was between its well formed legs. Oh. That thing was a fucking __tripod.__

“Who the fuck are you,” said the reptil thing in front of him. Its voice was husky and deep, rough with anger. Oikawa fixed his eyes in its face.

It had the face of a god. A really angry good. Defined jaw, sharp enough to think that could grate glass, with equally sharp and high cheekbones. Its nose was high, lips full and eyes sharp that screamed blood and chaos. His face and his neck where covered with parches of scales, and from his dark spiky hair two big curled horns stood out.

Oikawa was speechless. His tongue was dry as hell, his throat ached as fuck and he was scared. And it didn’t help that the lack of response of the witch had the other one being more angry.

“I said, _who the fuck are you _,__ ” snarled, already taking a step to approach Oikawa, who curled on himself at the movement.

“Oikawa! What the loving h- Oh,” Kuroo appeared between the thing and the witch. He stared dumbfounded at the reptil humanoid, and then he turned to see Tooru. “Oikawa, why is there a _fucking dragon_ in your room _ _?”__

Oh my Dark Lord.

He only wanted a fire chameleon. A _lovely, adorable, cute_ fire chameleon _ _.__

He started to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, the end. Sorry again for mistakes of every type
> 
> it's not really long, because it's like really difficult to write in another language for me (and it was the first time i did hshs) but netx chapter i'll try to make it longer
> 
> thanks for going through this piece of crap i love u all


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